remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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