I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
