im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
