I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
