Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
