You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
