wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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