I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
