Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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