I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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