I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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