if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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