I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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