The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
