Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
