Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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