He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
