I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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