Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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