All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
