Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
someone owes me an orgasm
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
