If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
