I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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