just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
