He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
