Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
