At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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