is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
