you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Please don't give away my fajitas
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
