My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cockslap morals
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
