I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
