she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
