You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
