Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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