Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize