I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
