Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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