i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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