the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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