Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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