the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
