I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize