if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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