Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize