sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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