At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
