My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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