your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
