we have pet lesbian snakes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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