wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize