Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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