This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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