She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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