hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
