oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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