you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
