just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
