While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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