I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
