White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
