if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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