hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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