Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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