how can u be prego again
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
