remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
