I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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