he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
