Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
