To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
