i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
