So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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