he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
