I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
