You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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