all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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