I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
