you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Be still, my beating vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
