That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
