it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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