Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize