Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
