Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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