if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
