yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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