Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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