I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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