Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize