that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How external is "for external use only"?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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