We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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