My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just pee around me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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