Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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