I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
