I smell stomach acid.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
