My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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