So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
