Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
