just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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