I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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