so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
