Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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