you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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