my being single is dangerous.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
