Don't you send me to vm
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
